The process

 writing for me has always been therapeutic

i firmly believe as of late, that my writing has left me trapped

it has left me stuck

stuck in a world that is no longer my reality

a world that would spin me out of control consistently 

but yet it brought me comfort 

Comfort, to have the chaos

to still hold a sense of control

even though i had none

it brought about grief

rage & anger

it has not been helpful

it has in fact been detrimental

the only way out for me is to release

to release the anger & rage that i have stored in my body for so long

the feelings that compound in my mind that i have sworn will dissipate as i write

the problem, they haven't 

i have given them more power

more strength to live on in my mind

it's as if i am holding onto them 

it's time to let go

it's time to release

just how will that happen i am not sure 

by way of publishing this so called book would be the first step

my words out on paper, release from my very being and out into the world for someone to grasp onto as i once did

~a voice 

to speak the truth that it is okay to struggle

it is okay to hang on for 30 years 

it is okay to feel defeated and undone

it is okay for the results not to be as you were to have them

even though you did everything you were capable of

~the words 

that transpire onto pages that open my eyes to see 

that this life was not normal

while it was a beautiful one

it was filled with destruction

that created a division among souls

that suspended a battle that would never be won

that endured a life full of questions, broken promises 

and left us with no answers or closure

we will rise out of the suffering 

it will no longer define us

it will no longer have a pull or hold on us

it will no longer be the tie that binds

it was the unraveling of a perfect circle

that was never perfect to begin with

it spiraled out of control

the brokenness was made new by the unconditional love & strength of the very gifts that were given to me