My reality

 

My reality is crowded right now

No one tells you that after 30 years with one person that you will continue to process this for the rest of your life, even though it has left you completely

No one tells you that even though this was needed, you needed to walk away, that the battle that you would fight the most is completely within yourself 

That even though this is everything that you desire for a future, you are still hesitant, you still shield yourself from the heartbreak that may come along side of you one day 

Rather than relax, embrace & accept that this is what you need…You still feel that you don’t deserve any of it, that somehow, you are not worthy of love that you have desired for years

So you shield it.  You flee to the new but yet you come back to your own reality & you question everything again & again

Why is this, why do I feel alone in this, why do I feel like no one can fully understand the depths of the destruction that creates chaos & wreaks havoc on my mind…