The hold

 

The pull I feel

Terrifies me

The rage I feel

Spins me out of control

The hatred I feel

Squeezes my being 

I want to do something

Anything to make you see

People like me

We’re supposed to let go

We’re supposed to walk away & be healed

But yet we’re tormented

Tormented by the continuation of chaos

That inflicts the entire family

The emotions that bleeds out of every single one of them falls heavily on my shoulders & transpires into my bones 

Crushing me 

Suffocating me

Making you win

You bring me down with you

Not knowingly but subconsciously

How do I resist that

How do I climb out of that

The wise old advice of boundaries

No contact 

Healing, letting go

Is bullshit

You follow me like a shadow

You haunt me like a ghost

You’re alive & breathing heavily into my soul

Your presence spreads through me like fire

Explosive 

They say it will get better but somehow it comes back around

There is no exit strategy 

It’s a trap that seals your oxygen 

That cuts you off from the outside world

No one can grasp the depth of the madness

That lives in your bones

It’s trapped inside 

There are moments of escape

Those fleeting snippets are beautiful

But your reality smacks you back to the surface of your truth

You’ll carry this burden

It will prevent you from moving forward fully

It will destruct you in silent ways

It will keep you from others

It will sabotage new love

His plan all along

To hold you till you break

Till death do you part

Literally