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i look Out
i see the darkness
i wonder what it would be like to just step out into that darkness
to be weighted down in a different way
to let it all go
to submerse myself underneath where nothing could reach me anymore
not the voices, not the aches, not the guilt, not the regrets
it would all just wash away
& sink within me
hide me in a place where i only hear the whispers of the wind…
secure my arms around myself where no aches can enter my bones…
flood my soul with peace that battles the despair…
quiet my mind that stirs at the mention…
breathe into me the answers i've been after...
surround me with the light & shut out the darkness…
Slow and steady, wins the race, that’s the age old tale we’ve grown up and heard often…
Obviously, that did not take affect in my brain…
I travel around, like the rabbit, constant…
Constantly seeking…
Constantly seeking answers…
constantly seeking change…
Change would come, but it was short-lived.
I had these grandiose visions that I felt one day would come to fruition if I just could hurry up and fix it all.
Each time I would jump in and fix what I could, and when I could, I would keep on moving, keep on running, constant…
This entire time something has been pressing me to slow down
Slow and steady will run that race Jill…
Slow and steady will keep you grounded…
Slow and steady…
It will show you your truth.
I refused to take on the role of the turtle
Slow and steady…
I kept looking back. I kept ignoring the script and jumped ahead as fast as I could.
Rather than the slow and steady of the turtle, I took on the shell of the turtle.
I would pull myself in.
I would isolate each time that I felt I couldn’t breathe.
I would pause for a “minute” come up for air and switch to the role of the rabbit.
I would pull myself inside of that shell and hide every chance that I got,
The more time that went on I recognized my own pattern.
Hide it all, store everything in that shell…
where no one can see it…
no one can see the real you…
no one can judge you or hurt you or get to you. & let no one love you because in the end, they will abandon you…
Inside that shell I stored anger, bitterness, and rage. I would retreat to the quiet, but I would continue to be filled with all of these emotions. The peace, the calm, the flow would not come to me.
i look Out i see the darkness i wonder what it would be like to just step out into that darkness to be weighted down in a different way to...
