Heavy

My heart is heavy today

I have to admit its been heavy for a while

What does heavy look like

What does heavy feel like

For me, it feels like I can't breath

an overwhelming tightness

It feels like I am underwater 

I can't reach up to pull myself out from the depth

It feels like loss

like devastating uncontrollable loss

It feels like a death

like a vanishing and they aren't coming back

It swirls above my head like a tornado

it tears across my soul and rips my heart apart

I don't want to sit with this

I don't want to feel this

But I am forced to

It won't go away

Regardless of decisions made

or things left open

there will always be a heaviness

it's unavoidable