Hiding

~ Followed my intuition and came here instead….

I don’t know why I have been over the top emotional lately. Nobody tells you that there’s stages of grief, or I should say continuous stages of grief that just swallow you whole & overwhelm you all in one sitting…

I feel like I should warn someone. Your heart will break over and over again. Just when you think you’re okay, you realize you’re not. 

You begin to understand that there are one million pent-up emotions inside of you that are begging you to open the door and let them out. I personally, have stored them for so long. 

You can’t quite figure out how. It’s all part of the cycle, I fully believe, this is a part of life. 

& so many of us walk through this blindly with no realization at the moment…

yet we hide behind these doors, behind these walls, behind our skin, behind our heart and soul. We hide from ourselves. This giant, these giants, are myself. 

& I’m afraid, terrified really,  if I let them go that I won’t be okay.  I am afraid if I let them go that I will fall into a deep darkness that I will not be able to climb out of.  

They’re like leeches. Most cling to me until I am bone dry. Until I am so angry that I can’t contain my emotions. Until I am so sad that I contemplate life in general.  

They have this way of ruling your entire being.

& I allow it. I have continued to allow it.  I let it happen. Just like I let so much happen in the past.  It infuriates me that I have forgotten who I am & that my vision is cloudy yet again due to the circumstances of one…