here i am

this, this had always been a source of peace for me

I've neglected it over time, a very long time at that....

It's ironic because it can relate this to the season i am walking through

I have neglected myself, for a very long time....

I was always challenged growing up playing the piano

I had to practice and study for hours, it didn't just flow out of me....

I remember my senior year of high school, Leif, an exchange student, lived next door to me.  He would come over, sit down and just play.  The music that flowed out of  those hands and his soul was a gift.

The year after I had Kiara, (22 years ago) i had the opportunity to be on the worship team at church, I played the keyboard.  I was introduced to chords.  This made a significant difference for me versus reading "notes."  Years after four kids in tow, I was able to be part of the worship team & had the opportunity to sing, which was my original passion.  That year was a tumultuous one for our family.  

A few months later the kids and I moved back to Indiana for a season and again, music found me.  I was welcomed to the worship team and played the keyboard.  During that season of my life, music healed my soul.  It connected me to a deeper spiritual level with a relationship with Jesus.  My dependence was found in Him and not man.  

Needless to say my dependence drifted and I began to rely on my own strength and let that dependence fall in the wrong hands....

There is a sense of release & freedom in playing notes on a piano/keyboard and singing with all your heart

There is a deeper connection that rests in my soul and i feel heard

i found myself back at "this place" tonight.  The rickety old piano that needs tuned, that has been around for longer than i can remember.  The object that began as a tool for learning became a need for surviving.  

For such a time as this....

"Here I am 

Once again

In the safety of this place

I pour out my heart to say that I love You

pour out my heart to say that I need You..."