if only he loved me as he loved alcohol

if only he loved me enough to make it stop

if only he loved me to survive his addiction

if only i loved him enough to let him go

if only i loved him & entrusted him to someone other than me

if only i loved him to see the damage we were both creating

if only he loved me to open his eyes to his destruction

if only he loved me to see his true self

if only he loved me to continue to persevere

if only i loved him to see that i can't go back

if only i loved him to know i won't survive this

if only i loved myself as much as i desperately love him

In a perfect world

 In a perfect world, I would want to remarry

I’d want the whimsical ring

The proposal of new beginnings

In a perfect world, we would be a testimony

A testament that love truly does conquer all

In a perfect world, the past would dissipate 

The future would not be looked upon as fearful

In a perfect world, we would do this life together

No more animosity, but yet a shared collaboration 

In a perfect world all would come together and there would be no more sadness of what might have been 

Reality is, there is no perfect world

Reality is, material things will disenigrate

Reality is, the new is unretrivable

Reality is, that testimony looks different 

& maybe love does not truly conquer all

Reality is, we cannot escape the past regardless of how hard we continue to try

Reality is the future is unknown

Reality is, there is no life together

The process is debilitating 

Reality is, 25 years falls upon us in a whisper of a cruel taunting of what never will be