Today

Today I feel like I am in a hospital room

i see the one I love in front of me

but there is nothing more I can do, I am visibly aware of that 

i am searching for answers, asking questions, trying to convince anyone that there is still hope

trying to convince my loved one to hang on just a bit more

the warning signals are going off

the screens are flashing red

it doesn't matter what i do, they won't stop

No one will listen to me

i'm drowning, literally my heart is broken

how does anyone move on after this

i cannot accept what is

i will not accept what has come to be

how did we get here, how did it go this far

doesn't he see

doesn't he see the hope, the fight, the strength

don't i matter enough to continue to hang on

why is there opposition, why is there such hate

i am strong, i have fought the fight, but have not won the race

for what purpose, what was the intent of this wasted time

only true devastation, shattering heartbreak

Heavy

My heart is heavy today

I have to admit its been heavy for a while

What does heavy look like

What does heavy feel like

For me, it feels like I can't breath

an overwhelming tightness

It feels like I am underwater 

I can't reach up to pull myself out from the depth

It feels like loss

like devastating uncontrollable loss

It feels like a death

like a vanishing and they aren't coming back

It swirls above my head like a tornado

it tears across my soul and rips my heart apart

I don't want to sit with this

I don't want to feel this

But I am forced to

It won't go away

Regardless of decisions made

or things left open

there will always be a heaviness

it's unavoidable