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things i saw today that made me feel something
~the giant weed in my parents driveway...growing up my dad was adamant about pulling all the weeds and spraying weed killer on the driveway to prevent them from scrambling through the gravel.
~sitting down next to my dad on the couch, recognizing his profile as that of my late grandpa dale
~records, then purchasing said records that were not "my cup of tea" i shortly found out, but still gave me a sense of nostalgia
~coming out of the bathroom this morning & seeing my two children in their bedroom, Elijah had brought Cece breakfast in bed
~seeing Provi and her sleepy head look as i picked her up from the sleepover
~watching my son care for his animals as he would take care of his own children someday
~witnessing strangers load up their truck with things i had donated to give to others that are in need
~Sometimes the vision isn't always clear, but little things seep through and shine outwardly.
sometimes your heart feels joy but yet you are still so sad in your bones
sometimes alls you can do is keep breathing and keep moving regardless of what is going on in the outside world
sometimes you are so overwhelmed with others you can't express how grateful you are but yet at the same time you just can't do it anymore
sometimes those glimpses that give you that feeling capture your heart at just the right moments when you thought it would give out on you
most days i live in a fog
most days i recognize the beauty & the life in others but my bones still ache
most days i realize i really can't have what i want
most days i feel better off quiet and isolated
most days i feel that the only way to function is to continue to plunge forward
most days if i pretend, i am okay
most days i realize that i really am not okay
someday i may be okay
someday i will see that that sentiment is not far fetched
someday i will believe in myself and in others when they say it will be okay
someday i will stop running and face the giants in front of me
some day the fog will clear and it will be sunshine and rainbows
some day my bones will not ache
some day i will believe all of this, most days i don't but sometimes i do....
