Chasm

 

feeling pretty low

It’s surreal to me that I can still bring myself to drown in this sadness all because of you…

It’s infuriating at the same time that I care so much about your well-being…

While I shouldn’t wish you dead. Sometimes I feel like that path would be easier… 

Those feelings boil into the anger & bitterness that I have stored inside of my bones… 

It’s not fair that I allow your recovery, your well-being to affect my emotions, my life, my well-being, my happiness…

The predictability of it all is uncanny…

The pattern is always, always the same, possibly less intensity, but always the same…

People think I’m crazy, it doesn’t make sense, it doesn’t even make sense to me, I bang  my head against the wall daily…

Like a tattoo engrained on my body forever, I can’t get rid of it, no matter what I do to cover it up…

These feelings of despair and angst cause great pain that i hide underneath this mask so well…

I peel back the layers at times, but then there are days when I just don’t want to move…

That chasm that you talk about, that chasm that I feel, I just want to be swallowed whole & drown in it…