I saw new beginnings

I saw sobriety

I saw the broken put back together

I saw hope

I saw Jeremiah 29:11 played out

I saw restoration

I saw completion

I saw healing of so many hurts

I saw the tears being dried up

I saw the beaten bones begin to dance

I saw serving the community based on our experiences & rebirth of souls

I saw our witness being born into others

I saw a future that was bright and full 

Full of love, joy & finally peace....

that's what I saw, then I awoke

Grief in the form of the end

 Who knew that grief could be a part of my life as a result of divorce...

I cannot fathom still, this loss

I will always have him in my life

I can never escape him

that for me, makes this unbearable at times

as a woman, as a faithful loyal wife of almost 24 years, as a mother that gave him seven beautiful, healthy children, this rocks my boat

it's either sink or swim baby

which path would you chose

many times I've found that I'm drowning while other times I am swimming for my life

I am engulfed under the weight of the failure, the guilt, the shame, the anger, the hate, the resentment, the bitterness, the list is endless

I am hovering against an ongoing current that seems relentless and won't let up

the shore is close but yet so far away

I come up for air but then I am swallowed by the waves

acceptance is near, but still out of reach

today I will sit with the anger 

tomorrow I will face the day yet again